Review: Living Out Loud by Christina Lee and Nyrae Dawn
SYNOPSIS:
Ben Emerson has lived by his minister father’s rules most of his life. Born into an ultra-conservative church community, he’s finally brave enough to break free and move to San Francisco. Distancing himself certainly helps create a new mindset, but living as an openly gay man takes some getting used to. When he reaches out to Xavier, a childhood friend who lives in the city, Ben isn’t sure how he’ll respond given their thorny history. Ben hopes the familiar connection will help him right some wrongs as well as provide the solace he’s been craving.
Xavier Ramos is who he is, and he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. Whether it’s eyeliner, nail polish, tattoos or his love of hooking up, he uses his body as a form of self-expression but doesn’t let anyone get too close. When Ben reenters his life, Xavier helps him experience the city and feel comfortable in his own skin. Seeing the world through Ben’s eyes, he begins to wonder if he’s also not living as freely as he thought.
When Xavier challenges Ben’s beliefs about sex, it becomes explosive—for both of them. Xavier breaks apart Ben’s sheltered world and shows him what it’s like to live out loud. The more time they spend together, the more Xavier begins to long for Ben in a different way—one that both surprises and scares him. But real life doesn’t fade into the background, so when Ben’s past comes knocking, old habits are hard to break. Testing the foundation of their deepening connection will take a trust that will either bind them…or tear them apart.
REVIEW:
This book is heavy. I wasn’t quite sure how hard reading about Ben’s life would be, but it was a brutal reality check. It was a heartfelt second-chance romance where each character comes into their own; then the series and all overlapping characters are wrapped up into a delightful epilogue that left me smiling.
Ben and Xavier spent the first 70 some percent of this book reconnecting. Ben is finally living out and proud and he reaches out the his old friend to meet up. After a stolen kiss in their childhood, they drifted apart, each character gripping with their own trauma. Xavier feeling unloved, unwanted, and adrift. Ben dealing with his conservative family constantly trying to get him to come back to God. Both these characters are carrying a lot of baggage but somehow they work.
They get each other on a deeper level and since they shared part of their childhood, they are both aware of the burdens the other carries. As Ben starts to explore his sexuality and kinks, Xavier is sort of like a guide. And of course you know feelings are going to slide into the mix. But the undercurrent throughout the whole story is Ben constantly looking over his shoulder and I knew a showdown with his parents was inevitable.
I didn’t particularly care for how this drama played out. I guess the closure was definitely necessary for Ben to finally be free but I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like how Xavier behaved and there was a moment where I thought I would quit reading because of him. But I toughed it out and thankfully, Xavier didn’t do anything stupid. I got the closure I needed on all fronts and the ending left me with a cheesy grin.
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